7 Life-Hacks to Get You Noticed at Work

Do you feel like you give it 110% at the office, but your boss never seems to notice all your hard work? Are you angling for that big promotion, and need the edge to get ahead? Sound familiar? Bet you thought all your hard work would pay off, and you'd be rewarded fairly for your accomplishments, right? Wrong!

Self-promotion is sometimes thought of as a bit of a dirty word, or perhaps just two regular words with a dirty hyphen. Either way, mastering the gentle art of self-promotion can be the key to a successful career, and the first step is making sure you're actually getting noticed at work.

Don't be an invisible achiever, now is the time to get proactive in your career! Stop waiting for opportunities to present themselves, get out there and make them happen yourself! Step up and start selling your successes, as loudly and obnoxiously as possible. After all, everybody loves a showboat. And if you have no successes, make something up and tell everyone about that instead. Or just bring down the people around you!

As the saying goes, if a tree falls in the forest and there's no-one around to hear how it smashed its KPIs last quarter, does it have any inherent value? Of course not. Remember, life is a popularity contest where ability almost always loses out to likability, bankability and, of course, everyone's favourite, gullibility.

So drop everything, and let's count down our top 7 so-simple-they're-genius tips to get you noticed at work!

 

7. small talk and general socialising

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Strike up a conversation and socialise with your work colleagues (or even your boss!). You may want to start out with a generic topic, like the weather or the performance of a local sporting team, but this works even better if you can personalise the small talk. 

Now, it's easy to guess someone's 'professional' interests, they're often one of the words in their job title. But what about their interests and hobbies outside of the office? Where do you even start? Well, there's lots of ways to go about this, but here's a few fun ideas for you to play around with:

  • Keep an ear out for little clues when they talk about their day
  • Ask somebody who knows them well
  • Follow them when they leave the office, see where they go and what they do (taking photos will help you remember later!)
  • Stake out their home, listen in at a window and record their private conversations
  • Crack their computer passwords and read their emails

Pro tip: Has your surveillance revealed a certain restaurant, pub or gaming establishment that your boss frequents? Why not show up unsolicited and join them for a meal or drink. What a lot you must have in common!

 

6. sound a klaxon at regular intervals

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Draw attention to yourself by persistently sounding a klaxon, siren or air-horn in your place of business. The distinctive and memorable sound will be sure to disrupt even the most dynamic and bustling of workplaces. You'll be turning heads in no time!

Loud and unexpected noises are highly noticeable, and there are many ways to go about making them. Shouting, for instance, is a very popular approach, and is in itself a great way to get noticed. But it doesn't quite make our list for a few key reasons. You may lack confidence, worry you have nothing compelling to shout about, or you may simply be opposed to shouting for moral or religious reasons. Well, this is where a klaxon really comes into its own!

Your typical store-bought klaxon should be small enough to bring to the office in a standard briefcase or modern business satchel. Discretely position it under your desk or work-station, and then - as they say - let the klaxon do the talking! When it comes to frequency of use, try starting with half-hourly intervals and go from there. Remember, everybody's klaxon-to-workplace ratio is different, just play your natural game and have fun!

Ah-rooga!

 

5. public (and aggressive!) drunkenness

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Time to think outside the box! And by box we mean sobriety, and by think we mean incoherently. 

Guess what your boss is really tired of? Straight-laced squares doing a competent day's work with their clean clothes, steady heads and basic hygiene. Well not you, you maverick! Stand out from the crowd by showing up for work blind drunk! 

You'll be sure to impress them all with your drunken stumbling, slurred speech and drastically lowered inhibitions. It sounds so simple, right? But you'd be surprised the number of people who forget to be drunk enough to make this one really work for them. Always remember: quantity over quality, and don't forget to mix those spirits! Here's a few fun activities for you to really make an impact in the office:

  • Start a fight
  • Soil yourself in the lifts
  • Vomit in the stationary cupboard
  • Sexually assault an electrical socket

Time to start shopping for investment properties, that promotion is practically yours already!

 

4. hide in your boss's office... surprise!

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They say the quickest way to get your ideas in front of the boss is hard work, brains and spot of good luck. Idiots! The quickest way is to sneak into their office while they're out to lunch and hide inside a filing cabinet. Then it's just a matter of biding your time for the perfect opportunity to jump out and surprise them right into noticing you!

It may seem counter-intuitive, but hiding can be a fantastic way to get noticed. Confusion can arise from the fact that, if you've successfully hidden yourself, you will of course initially be less noticeable. The trick here is the manner in which you emerge from your hiding place, and to a lesser extent the time you choose to do so.

The great thing is you can hide in other places too, not just filing cabinets in offices. You might try hiding inside the office fridge, in a cupboard by a public thoroughfare, or under a colleague's desk. 

This is an excellent way to build rapport with your team!

 

3. chain a jaguar to your work-station

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Travelling with a wild animal is a great way to get noticed, and an apex predator makes for an excellent talking point.

Simply arrive at work with your jaguar, and then tether it to your work-station. And that's really it. Jaguar really does a lot of the work for you here.

The key to this strategy is how, on the one hand, it's quite surprising to find a live jaguar leashed to a desk leg or gingerly penned inside an office cubicle, and, on the other hand, how extremely dangerous a jaguar can be. 

Of course, bringing almost any large obligate carnivore into an office environment will likely attract a certain amount of attention. But while some people might lean towards a panther, a lovely big brown bear or perhaps an elephant seal, as far as we're concerned there's nothing finer than a jaguar. 

Remember, if your work does hot-desking, be sure to plan ahead as appropriate facilities to restrain your jaguar may not be available on any given day.

 

2. wear a suit of medieval armour

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They say that a business suit is like a modern-day suit of armour. But what about an actual suit of armour? 

This is a great investment! And if you do your research, a mid-range suit of medieval armour shouldn't set you back too much.

For getting noticed, medieval armour works on a couple of different levels. First, it's shiny, especially when well-polished, which makes it easy to notice. Second, it's much noisier than a standard fabric suit, all that clanking of steel plates will certainly turn a few heads. And third, it's unusual, isn't it!

Think about it, when was the last time you saw someone in the office wearing a suit of armour? If you can't recall when it was, it's possible you NEVER HAVE! You'd remember, right? Of course you would.

Pro-tip: Especially if you work in a partitioned office, where lines of sight can be obscured, why not try accessorising with a homemade heraldic flag. Authentically medieval, plus it will draw the eye.

 

Honourable mentions

Before we get to our number one spot, here are a few terrific ways to get noticed that didn't quite make our list.

  • Public nudity
  • Colossal weight gain
  • Metamorphosis
  • Simply become more interesting
  • Set yourself on fire
  • Work in an aqualung
  • Windmill hat
  • Castanets

 

And the number one life-hack for getting yourself noticed at work, is:

 

1. memes!

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What better way to show off your unique, fun-loving personality than by finding somebody else's words hurriedly photoshopped onto an incongruous picture, and simply passing them off as your own!

Hey, have you seen something funny? Guess what - now you're funny! Although you're not explicitly claiming that you created it, people will respond as though you did and somehow associate their enjoyment of the shared moment with their impression of you. Even though you are - and let's be clear - in no way responsible for it.

Get ready for literally minute(s) of unearned comedy praise. I can't imagine anyone ever getting tired of this.

Pro-tip: Who loves Fridays?! Pretty close to the weekend, right? What are the odds you might find a hilarious meme that makes that exact basic point, but near a picture of a cat with feline dwarfism, Sean Bean, or a bear at a picnic table? 

High. The odds are high.